Lord, I heard from Courtney again today. It was sad, and I'm not sure I did the right thing. She called and asked for money. $1,000 to rent an apartment. I told her that I can't send her money and keep her up half way across the country. I told her that if she wanted to come home we would work that out and get her home, but I can't financially support her there. She told me she was doing well there. I can't see that she's done anything really since she's been gone almost two months. She did get a job, but the next day she had to leave the place she was staying, so she can't walk to work there anymore. She did quit smoking, and I thought she had quit drinking, but the other night she called drunk.
I told Courtney that as long as I'm alive, if she comes home she will always have something to eat and always have a place to sleep. But I can't send her money out there. She told me there were ways to make money quickly if I wouldn't send it to her. But she was going to stay there because she felt it was best for her. I told her I knew about those ways to make money. And it was her decision because she is an adult.
I wonder if there is another Mother out there who feels like I do. I feel like I'm standing outside my body watching a movie. You know the kind you watch through your fingers when your hands are over your eyes. I don't know how we got to this place. I feel like other parents would do things completely different. But I can't. I just feel like I can't give in.
Lord, I pray that You will make Your presence known to Courtney this weekend. I pray you will do this in a way that she will not be able to deny. I pray that she will open her eyes and see the truth. Open her heart and hear the things You want to tell her. I pray, Lord, that she will know the plans You have for her. I believe they must be great plans. She is such a special girl. I am trying not to worry about her Lord, because I know You have her in Your hands. I hope she puts this foolish idea behind her and comes home before she gets hurt. Amen