Saturday, February 11, 2012

You just don't know until you've lived it!

Other parents don't understand, I don't think.  And I believe maybe we'd feel and act differently is our daughter was a boy.  People don't understand why we want her to come home.  I feel like they think we should "divorce" her.  We don't approve of her lifestyle choices.  They break our heart.  Even family doesn't understand.  My parents think we shouldn't let her come back, because she will never change if she can come back any time she wants, "if that door always swings open".  Our siblings think that she is "mean" to us when she is here.  We want to take her out of the "danger" that is her everyday life.  We want to save her before it is too late.  Isn't that what all parents want?  We never thought this would happen to us.

There are so many things that can happen to her in the life she is living.  She could overdose.  Someone could give her drugs she is not aware of.  She could be raped, mugged, killed.  She could be beat up, shot in a drug incident as an "Innocent" bystander.  So many things that we can't even think of them all.  We really don't want to thing of them.  She could turn to prostitution and living on the street.  These are very real possibilities.

We have to do something to get her off these drugs, if we get the opportunity again.  She has to make a complete break from these people she is attracted to.

Just two months ago, she was talking about going in the military and leaving in February.  That would have been the best thing for her.  She said, in the end, that she was afraid of being homesick, and couldn't go. 

Shortly after Christmas, Courtney called me from Walmart.  She was being held with some friends, for shoplifting.  She was the only person that had not been shoplifting.  She said she didn't know they were doing this.  My husband said she was the lookout.  She may not have understood that was a crime, but I'm certain she knew it was wrong.  Since she was the only person not concealing, she was not arrested.  Walmart had every right to arrest her, and she could have gone to jail.  But we know a lot of people, and she was let go to our care.  That was the beginning of the trip back down old paths.  Or at least our realization of the trip.

That night she was told by the police to come home in lieu of going to jail.  She was not going to come home.  She finally came home, but did not want to stay.  We told her if she left she needed to make other arrangements of where to stay.  We told her that was not making wise choices, and she needed to think about this.  She was ruining her plans to go into a law career, by her choice of friends.  She was going to lose her chance to go into the military if she got arrested again.  She would not listen, and left.  She stayed gone about two weeks, and asked if she could return home. 

She was home this time, about six weeks, and just didn't come home one night.  Things were getting bad in her life, she had made wrong choices that were catching up with her.  I tried to tell her that God had a plan, and she needed to open her heart and wait to see what God's plan was.  She was in a dead end job.  She was running out of money to stay in school this semester.  She needed another car, or a lot of work done on the one she was driving.  She wanted to make her own rules.  That in itself was the biggest problem.  And I guess she has a bigger drug problem than I ever dreamed.

She said we were not treating her like an adult.  I said we were treating her like an adult who lives in our house.  She has to follow our rules.  She does not pay rent, utilities, buy groceries, etc.  There are a lot of perks for following a few rules.  Instead, she decided she knew best.

She has been gone now over three weeks.  She is having second thoughts about being gone, and the people she is keeping company with.  I told her they were just interested in what she had to offer.  She doesn't have a good job and doesn't make much money.  So the main attraction of having Courtney in their world is that she has a car.  No one else does.  She asked her sister if we would let her come back.  We sent word to her that she needed to come talk to us.  She hasn't done that yet.  So here we are.  Living our lives with one daughter missing.

Since she has been gone, we have found drugs in her room.  We have discovered a great deal of money missing in our home.  I'm afraid to look too closely at my jewelry and such, afraid something might be missing.  It appears our house was searched recently.  My husband discovered the money missing last night, and then I realized our room had been gone through.  Our office had been searched  I thought the baby moved some things but that was not the case.  Could have been someone else other than Courtney, I guess.  But I doubt it.

I'm just going to pray for all of us.  For God to lead my husband as he decides how we should handle this if the opportunity arises.  For us to make the best choices for everyone.  And that we will be able to save our daughter.  That God will touch her heart, and remind her of the life she has left behind.  That she will remember that unlike the people she is with now, that most people are good and will help her.  That God will show her the path He has chosen for her.  That there will be good Christian believing people in her day to day life that will help her find her way back.  That Angels will protect her from Satan and this evil life that she has involved herself in.  That her sisters will understand when we let her come back, and will be understanding and supportive of her being here.  A lot of things to pray for.


  1. I just wanted you to know that I am still praying for you and for your daughter. Such a hard journey you are on. You are a courageous mama.

  2. Thank you so much, Patti! I appreciate you so much, and have thought of you over these past days.