As I stated the other day, our daughter chose to move out of our home (again) Sunday. Today is Wednesday. None of us have heard from her, not even her sisters, that I'm aware of. I guess she is where she wants to be.
This week I was reading Ann Voskamp's blog, A Holy Experience. The title of the post that day was "What to Cling to on the Days You Are Drowning". I don't feel like I'm drowning, but I am very distracted and overwhelmed. But I was glad to read the article, and it made me stop and think about how I need to let this situation affect me. I need to react by pulling closer to God.
A year ago, I was at a seminar. There, a pastor was speaking, and had some books for sale. I asked him if he had any books about parenting prodigal children. He did not, but we continued to talk for a while. He told me that so much of this type of thing is going on now in the Christian world. He said "good girls" are attracted to "bad boys". This even has a name, "Missionary Dating". The girls date the bad guys, with the idea that they can save them, and change them. Hasn't that thought been around since the beginning of time? It's not working. I don't think it ever did.
I told the pastor that I was looking for someone to pray with me for my children. He proceeded to tell me what I needed to do. He told me to pray that God would make Himself know in Courtney's life this week. To pray this out loud, and pray saying her name. He said for me to pray that God would show Himself to Courtney in a way that she would know it was Him, and that she would be unable to deny it. He told me to pray this for both of my wayward children. And I did. I prayed this prayer separately for each daughter, once for Courtney, and once for Molly. Nothing seemed to happen. So I prayed this prayer daily for a week. At the end of the week, Molly was mad at me, and had taken my name off the daycare pick up list for our grandchild. She said we would not see either of them again. Courtney called me and had been beat up and asked me to take her to the hospital. So both of these prayer sessions ended in a big way, that I had not anticipated!
I relayed this story to my sister, and she said, "Don't you know you never pray prayers like that? I prayed once that God would change my life, and I ended up getting a divorce". Well, I didn't know, no one told me!
So I took Courtney to the hospital. She woke up beaten up, and couldn't remember what had happened. It was the morning after her birthday. We believe her boy friend beat her up, and wasn't sure if she remembered or not. There was blood in the parking lot next to her car, and her money was gone. I took her to the hospital, and got her medications and brought her some food. I begged her to stay with us, but she insisted on going to her apartment. When she woke up 24 hours later, her pain medication was gone, and she finally came to our home. So this is the situation she has gone back to. The person she would rather live with than us.
Around this same time, We had plans to go to a Christian concert. My sister and I, and my three daughters. Well, Molly didn't want to go, and didn't come at all. Lucy (Courtney's twin) came. We got to the door, and there were no ticket sales. You just threw your money in a bucket and headed inside. I tried to find Courtney, because I knew she would not have any money. I waited but she didn't come. I was so sad, but I didn't know what to do. There was no ticket window to leave her a ticket. So we went inside the concert and found seats.
Courtney arrived late, but didn't have $10 to get in. She stood at the door, and anytime someone came in with a cell phone that was visible, she asked if she could call her Mom to come out and pay her entry fee.
I didn't take my cell phone in, cause mine rings all the time. So I didn't hear her. Finally, there was only one person working the door, When no one was looking her grabbed Courtney by the arm and shoved her inside. He whispered to her that when she found her Mom she could put money in the collection plate at intermission to cover her fee.
She went to the concession stand and called her sister, who had her phone. Lucy went to the concession stand to pick up her sis and show her where we were sitting. The first thing Courtney did was ask me for $10 to go pay the man who let her in. She did go pay him, and asked him if he would tell the other door workers that she had paid and gone inside. He said he would. We had a wonderful evening, but at the end, we went home, and Courtney went where ever she stayed that night.
The next day, I got a text from the man who had been working the door at the concert. Courtney had used his phone and my number was still in his phone. He said, "Hello Courtney's mom. I'm the doorman, and I'm glad she finally found you. Hope you enjoyed the show". I replied, "Thanks so much for being nice to her. Please pray with us that Courtney will come home". He answered, "I had no idea. She seems like a nice girl, and the Lord takes care of His children. I will pray".
Now it is a year later. That same concert is here again, and we all had plans to go again this Friday. I don't know if Courtney will go or not now. I thought we had come so far, but here we go down that same path again.
I worry about Courtney. But there is literally nothing I can do. Part of me feels like Courtney is just trying to control us, and hoping we will give her money. The other part of me fears she is suffering from depression again, and I worry that something could happen to her. I guess I just have to pray God's protection over her, and tell the devil to stay away. I have to give Courtney to God. Put her on His alter, and see where He leads her. I know God has his "own time". I just wish I could see ahead to how this ends out for her. Other adults tell me this is just a phase and she'll outgrow it. What if she doesn't. What if she gets killed. It's hard to think about.
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