This has been a really strange month for me. You know, I told you it started out with a tornado. We didn't have utilities and couldn't leave our home for four days. The day of the tornado, in the middle of sirens going off and being in the storm shelter, our daughter Courtney called. That was nice, that she thought of us and wanted to check on us. But I haven't heard from her since.
After that, another daughter decided to breakup with her boyfriend and that he should move. He was not open to this idea. She stayed here a few nights. Her son stayed here several nights. One night she changed the locks, and the police were called. I was called and asked to come get the child. Lots of drama this month.
So I thought that maybe, since I wasn't hearing from Courtney, and she wasn't asking for money, maybe she was doing OK. Maybe she was getting on her feet and could take care of herself. Maybe she just didn't want to be around us. Not everyone lives the same way, and even though it is hard, if she made the choice to live a different life than I would want for her, I could live with that. If she could take care of herself and she was happy and healthy. I would live with her choice, and let her be.
But today I got a phone message. Some one who knows us well, from church and business, called. He wanted to know if I knew where Courtney was staying, and did I have a number for her. He wanted to go see her.
I mentioned this to my husband. I thought it was odd, knew it meant something. But I honestly didn't want to know what. My husband asked if I had asked any questions. He seemed surprised that I said, "No". My husband told me that he had heard from two different sources that Courtney is trading "things" for drugs.
So, I guess life isn't going so good for her. As much as I'd hoped otherwise. This man would have had a reason to hear this and be concerned for her. He has cared for our daughter her whole life, and even baptised her when she was nine years old.
I've had a few people tell me to just "love her". I've never stopped loving her. I could never stop loving her. But when I see her I feel such sorrow. So I guess we just keep going. Day to day, living our lives. Hoping and praying that she will wake up and realize what she is losing, before something bad happens to her.
I told a relative that if I just knew that in the end, everything would be fine and she would be safe and healthy, I could live with this. I could get through this. But the "not knowing", will kill you.
Tomorrow is her birthday. She says she will be by. Last year, on the 18th, she called me when she woke up. She had been beaten up, and her money stolen. I took her to the hospital and waited with her while they fixed her up. We'll see how this year goes.