Some of you may have noticed I haven't been here in a few weeks. I guess if you have prodigals in your life, or uncontrollable elements that you deal with, you might understand where I've been the last couple of weeks. I have been wallowing. In the past. Wishing and remembering that past life, and trying to figure out how to get back there. What could I do to make things like they were.
Finally I realized that is unlikely. Of course, many things can't "go back". Kids grow and age. Things change. But even the things that could change are unlikely.
Courtney seems to be doing better. She was told by the doctor out there that her arm would be healed in about two more weeks. I'm please that she is better. Also she sounds better in other ways as well. Today she called to tell me she will be home for Christmas. A friend is driving her here. The friend will stay for about two weeks, then Courtney and her friend will head back, unless Courtney changes her mind and stays. So we will see. That is a good thing to look forward to.
Our daughter Molly has "divorced" us. She is angry at us for everything in her life. She trashes us all over town. She calls herself by a different last name. She talks about us to people we do business with, and posts stuff on the internet about us. I never thought I would reach a point in my life where my daughter would act like this, and I would say nothing. Not defend myself, not discuss it, etc. I don't know if people think I'm crazy or she is. I don't know if they wonder if we know, or wonder why we don't respond. It is a hard time around here. People I don't even know call to tell me things about her, what she has said, etc. Sometimes people hint around, wanting to see if I will respond, try to get me to discuss her. The last think I want to do is "air my laundry in public". She is doing enough of that for all of us. Molly is making bad choices all around, about a lot of things. I'm afraid the day is going to come when her choices will be gone.
This week I saw a clip art that said, "Well Hello There! You look like a bad decision. Come on over here!" I feel like I have seen that one up close and personal. More than once.
So I have been wondering how I can fix everything. How I can make this all better for my family. And I felt God say to me that I needed to live the life I have now. I can pray that things get better. Pray that our daughters make better lives for themselves. And I do feel that Courtney is trying at the moment. But regardless, I have to let go of how things were, and concentrate on what I can do now, to make things better in my home for my household. I know that doesn't mean I won't think of my daughters and pray for them each day. It just means that I need to make new priorities. Priorities I have better control over.
God takes care of the birds. He will take care of my daughters. He knows what is best for them. I will continue to pray. But I am going to TRY to step back, and get out of God's way. I know He loves them, too. I'm going to let Him do his work. And I'm going to pray.
In this way I can be a better wife to my husband, mother to my at-home daughter, and grandmother to my grandchild. At least I can try.
Stop back by to see me tomorrow. I'm going to try hard to be here! I hope all of you are having a better week than we are. See you tomorrow.